Fear of Commitment
Fear is something that many people deal with in life. Fears range from all over the map. Some fears seem illogical to most, while other fears are very common among many. Whether it is fear of a physical object like spiders, snakes, cotton balls (yes, this is actually a real thing), or psychological and mental such as being left out, fear of heights, or fearing relationships, these fears can be very crippling to many people.
One of the fears I have experienced in my own life, which is probably the fear I have felt most crippled by, would be the fear of committing to change/commitment. This subject has been brought to my mind many times in the past. This isn't only relevant as I think about marriage and relationships (though this is what brought this subject back to light), but it also applies to pursuing career opportunities, and really anything that requires changing the status quo of life.
When I think through this from a relational stand point, I realize there is a lot that goes into this fear. As I think more and more about it, and dig deeper and deeper into the fear behind it, I realize there are many fears even within this one fear. When I think about marriage, I realize that it is a permanent thing. Marriage, according to God's intentions, is intended to be a commitment that lasts as long as both the husband and wife are alive. As a result of this, and knowing where our culture is, this opens up many doors of fear and uncertainty.
Whether these fears are legitimate or not, they are very real. If I had to guess, I doubt I am the only one who has asked or is asking these questions. Below are just a few of the questions I have struggled through about marriage/relationships.
-Fear of Divorce
-Fear of Imitating parents marriage (fighting, distance, etc)
-Fear of changing lifestyle
-Fear of unknown
These are simply a few of the things I have struggled through at one point in time. Personally, some of them actually are understandable. For example, according to the source listed, (http://www.divorcesource.com/ds/main/u-s-divorce-rates-and-statistics-1037.shtml), young adults who get married, have a 40 percent change of getting divorced at some point in their lives. This means that 60 percent of people stay together.
There is also a fear of imitating the mistakes my parents have made. It is easy to follow the same path our parents did, because that is what we are familiar and comfortable with. The way they learned to cope with arguments, will often be how we learn to cope.
Another fear is changing lifestyle. It is easy to get caught up in the comfortable life we live now, and not want the status quo to change. Getting married could eliminate some of the things we enjoy the most.
Last fear I will mention is the fear of the unknown. We don't know what our lives will be like once we get married. Because of this, it can cripple us into staying single, which is what we have learned to know.
This leaves many questions though, when it comes to marriage. Is marriage worth the risk? What does scripture say about marriage? What does God's Word say about these fears? How do I make sure if I do get married, these fears don't become a reality?
Well, for the first question, I can't really answer that question (at least not yet), because I'm not married. I can however, look at God's word in regards to marriage, and read what He has to say about it. (To preface this, I am not addressing the question of should I get married, but simply the question of how does Jesus view marriage.) Jesus compares his relationship to the church (his people) over and over again as his bride. As I think about this comparison, I think about what it looks like to be "responsible" for another person. Again asking the question, "is marriage worth it"? Jesus makes it very clear that his relationship (or "marriage) to the church/his followers, is most definitely worth it. He doesn't just say it though, he demonstrates it. He does this by paying the ultimate sacrifice for his bride. He gives his life up for her. To answer the original question, "is marriage worth the risk," the only response I can see in scripture is yes, marriage is worth it.
Another way we see this addressed in Scripture is between the Trinity (Father, Son, Spirit). The Trinity is a prime example of how Christ desires us to live within a marriage. The Trinity shows us how great marriage can be if it is executed in the way God intended it to be. Jesus has to be the foundation of the marriage, if it is going to truly be successful. Secondly, both spouses should be pursuing Christ. As they pursue Christ, they will develop deeper and more intimate relationships with each other. That is Jesus' desire for marriage. When marriage is executed as it is intended, marriage is undoubtedly worth it.
As for what God's Word says about these fears, He says a lot. Below is a little about each (though I would encourage you to dig deeper for each one).
-Fear of Divorce - This is probably the most crippling fear for me. My desire is to follow Christ, and to live a life worthy of the gospel. However, with the divorce rate going the way it has, it is hard to convince myself that I will not be part of the 40 percent. For this fear, the only thing I know to do is pray. Pray for my future wife. Pray for my heart. Pray that God would protect us from the evil one. Pray that God would use the disagreements to draw us closer together. Pray that God would move each of us closer to him. Pray is the foundation. Jesus is the foundation. I don't have any way of knowing what will happen. So I pray. As I mentioned earlier, as each spouse moves closer toward Christ, they will each move closer toward each other. Divorce is simply the result of a deeper issue. As Christ works in each individual, divorce won't even be an option.
-Fear of Imitating parents mistakes: For this one, there are a couple points I think are important to think through. First of all, we are all human. We are going to make mistakes. We are going to mess up. However, scripture does provide us with direction beyond that. As we develop a more intimate relationship with God, we should be imitating Him more and more. As we imitate Christ/God more, the mistakes we make, will be covered by the righteousness of Christ. Children will begin seeing the power behind forgiveness, love, kindness, service, and compassion. We don't need to fear making mistakes. We will make them, but don't fear them. Instead, allow your mistakes to draw you closer and closer to Christ.
-Fear of Changing Lifestyle: Every decision we make in life will make a difference in what happens. As we pursue one thing, 5 other opportunities will go away. Ultimately, it is about aligning our hearts before Christ, and being obedient before him. A change in lifestyle may end up drawing us toward something even greater than what we currently have. The Bible tells us that God is for us, he isn't against us. He has a plan picked out specifically for each one of those who love him. As a result, we can move towards change with courage, knowing that God is with us, and will use each circumstance in life, to move us toward him, and the direction he wants us to go.
-Fear of Unknown: Life is filled with unknown situations. We all have choices. We all have to make decisions. Jesus doesn't want us to fear the unknown. He promises that as long as we are following in his footsteps, and living in righteousness (not perfection), then he will be with us. Abraham didn't let fear of the unknown control him, and God rewarded him by making him the father many nations. Daniel stepped out in faith when he prayed, and was thrown in the lion's den. Many others throughout scripture faithfully overcame fear of uncertainty, and moved towards faith in Christ.
Ultimately, it is through prayer and knowing Christ more, that prevents these fears from coming true. It is about remembering who the real enemy is (Satan), and not allowing the real enemy to convince us that our spouse is our enemy. We (the spouses) are fighting together on the same team (if both are believers). The enemy comes only to steal, kill, and destroy. He comes when we least expect it, and in ways we don't even think about. He wants to destroy families. He wants to kill your joy. He wants to steal the peace that passes all understanding from you.
One of the fears I have experienced in my own life, which is probably the fear I have felt most crippled by, would be the fear of committing to change/commitment. This subject has been brought to my mind many times in the past. This isn't only relevant as I think about marriage and relationships (though this is what brought this subject back to light), but it also applies to pursuing career opportunities, and really anything that requires changing the status quo of life.
When I think through this from a relational stand point, I realize there is a lot that goes into this fear. As I think more and more about it, and dig deeper and deeper into the fear behind it, I realize there are many fears even within this one fear. When I think about marriage, I realize that it is a permanent thing. Marriage, according to God's intentions, is intended to be a commitment that lasts as long as both the husband and wife are alive. As a result of this, and knowing where our culture is, this opens up many doors of fear and uncertainty.
Whether these fears are legitimate or not, they are very real. If I had to guess, I doubt I am the only one who has asked or is asking these questions. Below are just a few of the questions I have struggled through about marriage/relationships.
-Fear of Divorce
-Fear of Imitating parents marriage (fighting, distance, etc)
-Fear of changing lifestyle
-Fear of unknown
These are simply a few of the things I have struggled through at one point in time. Personally, some of them actually are understandable. For example, according to the source listed, (http://www.divorcesource.com/ds/main/u-s-divorce-rates-and-statistics-1037.shtml), young adults who get married, have a 40 percent change of getting divorced at some point in their lives. This means that 60 percent of people stay together.
There is also a fear of imitating the mistakes my parents have made. It is easy to follow the same path our parents did, because that is what we are familiar and comfortable with. The way they learned to cope with arguments, will often be how we learn to cope.
Another fear is changing lifestyle. It is easy to get caught up in the comfortable life we live now, and not want the status quo to change. Getting married could eliminate some of the things we enjoy the most.
Last fear I will mention is the fear of the unknown. We don't know what our lives will be like once we get married. Because of this, it can cripple us into staying single, which is what we have learned to know.
This leaves many questions though, when it comes to marriage. Is marriage worth the risk? What does scripture say about marriage? What does God's Word say about these fears? How do I make sure if I do get married, these fears don't become a reality?
Well, for the first question, I can't really answer that question (at least not yet), because I'm not married. I can however, look at God's word in regards to marriage, and read what He has to say about it. (To preface this, I am not addressing the question of should I get married, but simply the question of how does Jesus view marriage.) Jesus compares his relationship to the church (his people) over and over again as his bride. As I think about this comparison, I think about what it looks like to be "responsible" for another person. Again asking the question, "is marriage worth it"? Jesus makes it very clear that his relationship (or "marriage) to the church/his followers, is most definitely worth it. He doesn't just say it though, he demonstrates it. He does this by paying the ultimate sacrifice for his bride. He gives his life up for her. To answer the original question, "is marriage worth the risk," the only response I can see in scripture is yes, marriage is worth it.
Another way we see this addressed in Scripture is between the Trinity (Father, Son, Spirit). The Trinity is a prime example of how Christ desires us to live within a marriage. The Trinity shows us how great marriage can be if it is executed in the way God intended it to be. Jesus has to be the foundation of the marriage, if it is going to truly be successful. Secondly, both spouses should be pursuing Christ. As they pursue Christ, they will develop deeper and more intimate relationships with each other. That is Jesus' desire for marriage. When marriage is executed as it is intended, marriage is undoubtedly worth it.
As for what God's Word says about these fears, He says a lot. Below is a little about each (though I would encourage you to dig deeper for each one).
-Fear of Divorce - This is probably the most crippling fear for me. My desire is to follow Christ, and to live a life worthy of the gospel. However, with the divorce rate going the way it has, it is hard to convince myself that I will not be part of the 40 percent. For this fear, the only thing I know to do is pray. Pray for my future wife. Pray for my heart. Pray that God would protect us from the evil one. Pray that God would use the disagreements to draw us closer together. Pray that God would move each of us closer to him. Pray is the foundation. Jesus is the foundation. I don't have any way of knowing what will happen. So I pray. As I mentioned earlier, as each spouse moves closer toward Christ, they will each move closer toward each other. Divorce is simply the result of a deeper issue. As Christ works in each individual, divorce won't even be an option.
-Fear of Imitating parents mistakes: For this one, there are a couple points I think are important to think through. First of all, we are all human. We are going to make mistakes. We are going to mess up. However, scripture does provide us with direction beyond that. As we develop a more intimate relationship with God, we should be imitating Him more and more. As we imitate Christ/God more, the mistakes we make, will be covered by the righteousness of Christ. Children will begin seeing the power behind forgiveness, love, kindness, service, and compassion. We don't need to fear making mistakes. We will make them, but don't fear them. Instead, allow your mistakes to draw you closer and closer to Christ.
-Fear of Changing Lifestyle: Every decision we make in life will make a difference in what happens. As we pursue one thing, 5 other opportunities will go away. Ultimately, it is about aligning our hearts before Christ, and being obedient before him. A change in lifestyle may end up drawing us toward something even greater than what we currently have. The Bible tells us that God is for us, he isn't against us. He has a plan picked out specifically for each one of those who love him. As a result, we can move towards change with courage, knowing that God is with us, and will use each circumstance in life, to move us toward him, and the direction he wants us to go.
-Fear of Unknown: Life is filled with unknown situations. We all have choices. We all have to make decisions. Jesus doesn't want us to fear the unknown. He promises that as long as we are following in his footsteps, and living in righteousness (not perfection), then he will be with us. Abraham didn't let fear of the unknown control him, and God rewarded him by making him the father many nations. Daniel stepped out in faith when he prayed, and was thrown in the lion's den. Many others throughout scripture faithfully overcame fear of uncertainty, and moved towards faith in Christ.
Ultimately, it is through prayer and knowing Christ more, that prevents these fears from coming true. It is about remembering who the real enemy is (Satan), and not allowing the real enemy to convince us that our spouse is our enemy. We (the spouses) are fighting together on the same team (if both are believers). The enemy comes only to steal, kill, and destroy. He comes when we least expect it, and in ways we don't even think about. He wants to destroy families. He wants to kill your joy. He wants to steal the peace that passes all understanding from you.
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